“We never thought our films would be popular. We accepted that. We just made what we wanted. That’s why we survived. I see that in hind-sight. If we tried to please, we’d be long forgotten.” ~ Hayao Miyazaki
DO IT YOUR WAY
I’ve been tapping into those that inspire me this week. The time away from my desk tending to my own sick body and my children has created a blip in the routine. Called a routine in very loose terms. There is much room for improvement I am discovering. Finding focus has been slow coming.
Marli and me have been swept away in Studio Ghibli’s vibrant worlds. Getting lost in the subtle and sometimes mind puzzling stories.
Buying the latest DVD to expand my Studio Ghibli collection was one of the highlights and pretty much the only indulgent treat I could stretch my budget to allow in my time at university. I’d watch the films over and over again. Each time noticing something different. Made entirely by human hands. With intricacies, expressions and feelings I think only the human hand can create.
There is no code for this.
The quote above jumped out at me as I watched Never-Ending Man documentary, recording the time Hayao Miyazaki decided to retire and then realise that he couldn’t because creating was his life. If he retired, he’d also be retiring from life.
The quote caused me to pause, rewind and watch again. A slap to the face.
Jiminy Cricket, perched on my shoulder posing question after question into my ear.
Who are you creating for?
What are you creating for?
Why are you creating?
Who are you trying to please?
What do you want from your creations?
My why is complexly simple. Simple because if I don’t create, if I don’t put pen to paper, dip the brush into paint or sing my words I am a volcano on the verge of eruption. Complex, because I haven’t really delved in further to understand this drive, only that it needs to happen. It is part of my journey to happiness. It’s not something I do, it’s something I am.
What do I want from my creations? I want an exchange. Whether that is energy or currency. Both are valid and sought after. Reaching this point means that I can begin to sustain myself by doing the thing which taunts and tortures me until I bring it into the world.
I have been very clear with myself that this exchange is not the reason to create, but a means to make creating more comfortable and ensure my own survival.
The who and the what need some time and reflection.
I get so lost in the urgency of creating I don’t stop to think about the who or the what. This has led me to a zillion unfinished ideas and projects. The online world contributing to the anxiety by the immense speed of which things are created and put out. Distracted by the achievements of others, thus wandering farther from my own path and feeding back into the unsatisfied machine that seems to reside in my gut.
Bigger, faster, cheaper… all themes which add pressure to the point of not doing any creating at all.
Oh I could weep.
Note to self, go read that quote at the top again.
A second quote jumped from the screen of the same documentary.
“The End is near. Humans have lost their confidence.”
This was in relation to allowing computers to do all the work, because it’s …… [insert benefit].
A realisation that removing our hand from creation, removes our ability to connect our soul. Our spirit. Our essence. Not only to the creation but those consuming it.
It is beautiful to see so many wonderful humans return back to craft. To quality. To detail in creation. But it’s not enough. From our studio in a busy shopping centre I watch people, like ants, moving from one shop to another. Bags of things. Packets of ‘food’ in their hands without a trace of where or how it was created or even what it is.
I get overwhelmed again. Wanting to shout. Scream into their faces. But who am I to judge. I must not. But I am raging. Raging at the state of it all. Of the disbelief. Then finally rage that I often get swept up in it too. Upset with myself that I struggle to stay on my path.
A moment.
A moment to breathe and allow space.
Just a moment more.
A little perspective seeps in.
Just enough to calm the storm brewing inside.
Just do your work. Do your work the way you know it should be done. Keep turning up. Create because it is as important as each and every breath. It’s ok to look outside from time to time, but not at the expense of you doing your work. Do your work the best you can with what you have in this moment. Do your work.
Jiminy pipes up again “Ah, but how will it be received?”
From this grounded space I can reply “That is not my responsibility. I just have to create it. What others do, feel, react, take from it is up to them.”
I am learning to accept that.
Repetition helps.
My confidence is returning.
How’s your creating going?
Emma x
“Always believe in yourself.
Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.”~ Hayao Miyazaki
FOR THE CULTURALLY CURIOUS ZINE #3
It’s here. It arrived from the printers at the end of last week and pre-orders are being sent out today and tomorrow. There are only 50 copies printed and half have already flown the roost. If you’d like to snag your copy click the button bellow for more information and purchasing.
P.S. Zine #1 is available to download for paid subscribers. You can find that post here.
IN OTHER NEWS…
I’m self publishing my first comic book this month. Pre-orders are open and are the reason I can bring this project into reality. To support my work and pre-order your copy click on the button below.